`does the moon hear my cries?*

Sunday, July 19, 2009
a good day i must say

yesterday me and my band mates went jamming together...after like at least 6-8 months of not seeing each other...damn i missed them a lot a lot...khir,dollar and sepul...haha...and then,akmal was there also...and fuck,HE"S FUCKING GOT A BIKE SIA!!!!!haha...i got a chance to try his bike a bit...oh my god,the feeling is so damn good...haha...

hmmm...anyways,the guys did something for me which i really didn't expect...we were quite sucky yesterday at our songs,so we kinda like stopped for awhile...
then khir started playing this tune...he was prompting me saying:"the crow"...
he was refferring to my poem...dollar join in and then sepul too...haha...for a try try song,i guess its not that bad??haha...

oh wells,that should be about it...damn OFA rocks man!!!!

[ burning out ]
at 7/19/2009 12:50:00 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009
somebody kill me please,or i'll do it myself

does anyone have a gun i could borrow?or prob just a device that can kill me fast? i just wanna let go of everything at the moment...

to ray,razor and farid...kill yourselves now before its too late...you're a fucking waste of time in this world and you know it...fuck off...

[ burning out ]
at 7/14/2009 12:52:00 AM

Sunday, July 12, 2009
new music

hey everyone...i just got a new music device...hahaha...my mom bought for me cos she kinda owes me one...so yeah...

and for this specific device,i'm gonna put one special folder for some japanese songs...songs that i believed are worth my time listening cos they help me to feel braver...in my own world that is...haha...yeah i know sounds lame and everything... but... i need to retreat back to my own comfort zone first so that i may have a shot at the world again...so yeah...

anyways if anyone of you see me outside and i don't say hi,its cos i'm in my own world...so forgive me in advance and just kindly tap my shoulder from in front k...don't ever approached from the back otherwise my reflexes might just knock you out...seriously...

ok orite...gotta go listening ready...haha...

[ burning out ]
at 7/12/2009 09:55:00 PM

Wednesday, July 08, 2009
my heart

is it really my fault that i have feelings for you?if it is then go ahead and blame my heart...i have no power over who it chooses...nor can i change the fact that its chose you...

once things begin,see it through the end...and i will...even if its the outcome i expect but silently hoping not to happen...if it has to end...then so be it...

~i will go on with this...its not my job to leave it hanging...whatever happens will happen...
lets just hope i don't move on to the other side so fast~

[ burning out ]
at 7/08/2009 11:25:00 AM

why???

why do all the jerks in the world get the girls???
why do they always get what they want and get away with it???
& why is it because of them guys who are really nice get stereotyped?

i never believed that i'm a good guy...but i always believed that i am never a jerk...but why can't i have what i want???is it too much to ask for???

i'm not looking for a girl for sex....and i mean it...
i'm not looking for a girl to show off to others...that's wrong...
i'm just looking for a girl for companionship....what's so wring about that???
someone to share my life with...for all eternity...

~all i wanted was to show you how much i care
how much i'm different than the other guys you know
but somehow i guess u always like to compare
and everytime a always end up feeling so low~

[ burning out ]
at 7/08/2009 12:49:00 AM

Tuesday, July 07, 2009
what's the meaning of all this???

i really,really feel more then just fucked up now...well yeah i know,i was the one who wanted to end the friendship...but then...argh!!!!is this even the right decision at all???

she smsed me last night...close to midnight...asking me for my bank account cos she wanted to return me back whatever she owed me...what actually happen was that i told her that she could take her time to repay me cos we were good friends and all and that i'm not the type of guy that would kill because of money...so yesterday she smsed me saying that cos i no longer want to be friends with her, she asked me to send her my bank account for her to transfer me cos its no longer a "buddies' loan"...haiya....just what the fuck AM i doing????

i really feel fucked up,messed up and so fucking stupid that i wish i really have a gun beside me now...put an end to all this misery...

~guess its time...time to rid this world of one fucked up misery everyone calls RAY...
and may the world be such a better place without it~

[ burning out ]
at 7/07/2009 11:54:00 AM

Sunday, July 05, 2009
back to the railroads again

my bro just broke up with his girlfriend yesterday...hearing the stories i kinda feel him...i mean,its about another guy as well right?so yeah...i only kinda feel him and not totally cos my situation is that the girl is not mine...but i mean it already hurts enough... and i don't know how long i can probably carry on knowing that she's probably with a guy out there somewhere...

i made a decision yesterday...i sent her an sms saying that we should just stop being friends...that i am silently hoping but i know its not gonna happen...and then i said nice knowing you and thanks...the most funny think is that she replied me the following morning,asking me what's wrong with me and whether i'm crazy or something...i just didn't reply...

i dunno whether its the right or wrong thing to do...but if possible i just don't wanna see her or hear from her anymore...i know she won't regret or anything cos i'm probably just another friend to her...i just hope i'll survive this incident without losing any parts of myself...

~somebody please guide or tell me whether what i'm doing is right or wrong...i've never asked for all the things in life or something that is impossible...i just asked to be given someone... to be able have a lucky break just one time in my life...just let me have that thing if only for awhile...after that i won't mind if i have to pass on and i will not have any regrets...~

[ burning out ]
at 7/05/2009 05:53:00 PM