Monday, July 28, 2008 sumtings are missingi'm kind of losing myself again right now....its not that i wanted it to turn this way but,its just that somethings are beyond my control....make no mistake,its not that i'm weak,but certain things like the attitudes of those that are around me are simply not within my control....
i'm slowly beginning to question,what is it that i'm living for again....i am seriously on the verge of quitting from being a barista....i feel that its no longer worth my time anymore....whenever i work,i never ever thought of the pay there....it would be just a bonus to what i'm achieving....all i had ever wanted was to be able to make people smile and do something that was worth my while....but now it seems to me that all this no longer matter to me cos there are a few other people,who either knowingly or unknowingly,are taking all these joys away from me....yeah....its no longer worth it anymore....
and as for my social life...everything is ending....kind of fast too....i'm moving on alone again....as i should have always been....in truth,i've never felt more lonely than i'm feeling now...but then again,i knew this was coming a long,long time ago....oh wells....from friends to best friends to extended family to original family.... even though they may be around physically,i do not feel their presence....i travel alone once again i guess....but lonelier than i have ever been that is....
oh wells....i guess that's all....i just felt like writing whatever i was feeling down.... don't ask me why....i don't really know why....but i guess its ok.... yeah....
Ray signing out
[ burning out ] at 7/28/2008 05:07:00 PM
Monday, July 14, 2008 wen dere's darkness,dere will b darkness...dunno wad my title shud b...so i'm jus being random...yeah...i'm actuali bored 2 death now...n i guess i haven been updating like i said i wud b...so yeah... here's my update...
anws...dis past few daes haf been quite disturbing...i feel veri distracted but i dunno wad it is tts disturbing me...tts de ting tts bothering me de most... i keep having dis feeling tt sumting's ain't rite,sumting's missing or sumting's i've messed up...n de feeling's quite strong too...its as if my mind is telling me sumting big is awaiting me or tt i better do sumting quickly...but ting is...wad? honestly i can't take dis much longer...it reali feels like i'm gonna blow up very soon n get myself into a great load of trouble...hmmm...mayb i shud...mayb tts de avenue i needed all dis while...hmmm...
moving on...sum tings tt i left bhind r currently getting out of hand...situations tt i pulled out of r kinda worsening more w/o me in de picture...hmmm...i am starting 2 wonder whether it is reali my fault tt tings haf gotten way out of hand, or wud it haf been de same even if i didn't pull out in de past??mayb yes mayb no... none will noe till their tym answers i guess...yeah...
guess tts all...chiows everybody...
Viprari™ signing out
[ burning out ] at 7/14/2008 06:35:00 AM
Thursday, July 03, 2008 Our Final Attempt on first performancehey peeps...kinda long tym since i've been here...so tot i'd post since i gt sum tym... yeah...anws...
yest was de first tym sumting gd actuali hapen 2 me during dis whole down period...i actuali performed wif a band at sch!!!haha...yeah...it was super fun... although i actuali did screw up since i 4got de lyrics(i can't possibly memorize n perform a song in 4 daes)we kinda did a good job at it...yeah...but criousli i'm veri veri glad tt i have 2 gd guitarists n a gd drummer...without dem my performane wud surely crash n burn...yeah...
n anws,i'm now permanently in their band...n our band name is koled:'OUR FINAL ATTEMPT'!!!yeah...tts cool...
on a diff note...all oder tings haven change tt much...jus...dark as everiting has been...yeah..oh wells...i dun tink tings will b picking up anitym soon...yeah...n i'm nt actuali worrying 2 much abt it...mayb dis has been my destiny all along...
n anws...2010 is coming soon...4 those of u hu noe me,u noe wad tt means rite? yeah...no more pain in dis world...n de world wud rid itself of de greatest threat 2 society...yeah...de one ppl noe as viprari...
