Monday, July 09, 2007 stupidity has no oder meaning so similar 2 it like farid....hmmm...its easier said den done...u can make a dcision so easily but how u carry it out is like so diff...its anoder ting all 2gether...i noe i haf made a dcision 2 get over my past so i'll b able 2 move on 2 de future jus like tt...but like i said,words r onli words...wad u sae isn't wad u usualli mean...i noe it sounds weak of me,but i'v been trying n trying 4 hell noes how many tyms 2 cover up de wounds but 2 no avail...its been like 2-3 yrs n its stil de same...i jus feel so fucked up now... its nt as if i nvr tried,i tried so hard yet i get de same ting...wad reali boders me de most is tt i onli had 2 sae sumting 2 get it all,onli 2 keep quiet n b 2 late n lose everiting jus like tt...fuck up...i was jus 2 scared at tt tym...scared...i was oreadi scarred once n i didn't wan 2 b scarred again...n it onli ended up wif me being 2 late...n 2 get laughed at silently by everi1...its nt as if it was a silent affair...so many ppl asked me:'hey,i tot u were chasing aft erna?how cum she's wif afiq now?'wad did u tink i wud sae?n wud tt b easy 2 4get?all dose mocking faces trying 2 act as if dey symphatized wif me...all dose mornings 2 end up waking in de morning jus 2 c dem both 2gether...all dose nites trying 2 slp onli 2 end up imagining dem laughing at me wif mock superiority...all dose daes waking up onli 2 dread going 2 sch n facng de same ting over n over n over again... haiz...n 2 tink it onli took one song 2 open up de chapters again...a song wif a meaning so sharp it was like a knife reopeing my wounds...hmmm... ~wad hurts de most,is being so close~ *tym,effort n hell noes wad brought me closer 2 u onli 2 end up both of u telling me i'm jus nt gd enuff*
