Wednesday, July 04, 2007 my life as it is....hmmm....my past is haunting me dis past few daes....haunting as in i feel like i'm relieving everiting again....as if wadever i went thru,i'm going thru it again....it wud b jus fine 4 me if my past jus came as memories n nt as anoder exp i haf 2 go thru....
arnd 4 daes ago,i had a tok wif one of my bros....telling him how fucked up i feel n all....it was as if i jus had 2 haf an avenue 4 everiting 2 b out....i feel so bad abt everiting....abt trying 2 help oders but end up making their plight worst....abt trying 2 impress oders noeing tt will nvr hapen...abt trying 2 meet expectations tt i noe i can't ever meet....abt trying 2 b sum1 i'm nt....abt trying my best nt 2 let any1 done wen i noe i'm so close 2 it oreadi....n blif it or nt,i did broke down aft all....yup....me,a strong,independent,lone wolf....i cud cry....t was shocking....n a few daes ago i tot i'd 4gotten how 2 cry cos it was a veri emotionally disturbing dae but stil de tears nvr wanted 2 cum out.... but now i noe one ting tt i must do....i have 2 get over de past....i haf 2 get rid of de mindset i haf tt i will let down or disappoint a lot of ppl...i haf 2 get it into my head tt de crazy farid has been gone 4 2 long n its abt tym he came back....all dis r a must....oderwise farid might jus disappear 4ever....n nvr even haf a chance 2 get a 2nd try.... ~wen hell was nvr a part of u,dun even try 2 tink abt it....oderwise,u'll haf 2 face more den jus hell~
