Wednesday, June 27, 2007 everiting n nutingits been quite sumtym since i updated...fuck,so many tings haf happened in such a short period of tym...like-
1)making dcisions is one ting,going thru wif it is totally anoder
2)i'm quitting smoking soon
3)sch's started
4)i'm able 2 slp on a bed again finally
5)i'm so fucking tired nowadays cos nt enuff slp,my body aches all over
6)my memories haunting me
7)my fucking laptop was invaded by a fucking trojan virus
so aft u read all dis,all i can sae is tt,i feel SO FUCKED UP NOW!!!haiz...shud haf regularly upgraded my anti-virus software...haiz...n i can't even reformat my com now,de cd can't load...
n abt point number 5,me n sadiq n akmal n arfah went 2 cck 2gether,de 3 of us guys going dere 2 chill wif anoder fren while arfah lives dere...den we cancelled cos tt fren onli wanted cigarretes...den we tot of chilling under arfah's block cos de place dere was peaceful,or so she said...i den found out she lived at blk 407!!! what de fuck sia!!!jus bside blk 406 summore...2 dose hu noe,u'd understand wad i mean...4 dose hu dun,i guess its jus rite 4 me 2 tell u guys...
hmmm...de story goes like dis...i had a liking 4 dis girl living in cck...she lived at blk 406...i rmbred de tym wen i wanted 2 jio her,it was de period of tym wen she wanted 2 study,n a tym wen she told me tt it was boring 4 her 2 stay hme all nite... so i accompanied her la at nite...me living in bukit gombak cycling 4 dun noe how many daes straight aft sch hrs going 2 mit her...n dere was even once wen i cycled in de rain jus 2 mit her...aft a while of 'suffering' i went thru,i tot we shared sumtng...but den again...
den wen i finally gt 2gether wif her,i tot i was finally having a lucky break...n tt was wen i doubted her feelings 4 me...u noe how it seems wen ppl dun reali wan 2 reply ur msgs?but instead dey reply jus bcos dey dun wan 2 dissapoint u?i gt tt feeling frm her msgs cos most of her replies were often less den 5 words...so wen i finally asked her 4 a break,dis is wad she told me(roughly):
'actuali wen u sounded me,i accepted u cos i didn't wan u 2 take it 2 hard...'
dis line will 4ever b i my memory cos it was de line tt made me realise sumtings...
am i tt fucking pitiful?
am i tt miserable tt ppl haf 2 pity me?
am i tt weak tt ppl dun tink i can take aniting?
am i tt fucking stupid 2 haf tot tt wad i wished 4 wud cum true?
am i tt naive 2 haf actuali believed sum1 wud help me wif my loneliness?
am i tt idiotic 2 haf believed tt i wud ever,ever get a fucking lucky break?
i will rmbr tt dae cos it tot me 2 b independent...dun put ur expectations on oders...dun count on oders 2 give u strength...dun count on oders 2 help u frm ur loneliness...u can trust oders but nvr ever expect aniting in return...u r wad u r... jus bcos derer oders arnd u dosen mean u can ever b diff 2 dem... my past haunts me like a ghost haunting a house...its nt leaving anitym soon n tts wad worries me...damn it...hmmm... gtg now...my soul is shaking aft dis post...i feel...pain...as if i'm relieving my bad past once again...as if history's repeating...darn it... ~wen de last bell chimes,my soul fade away...n wen tt tym cums,2 de ends of de earth i will go...where my soul breaks away...~
